Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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