just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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