i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
