He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you never un-have a 4some
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
