Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
