as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
