So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the day after is always just damage control
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
