I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
