I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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