went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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