I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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