Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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