How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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