butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
