how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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