So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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