kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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