Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
