this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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