is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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