I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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