I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
