This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
