Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
