Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
