i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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