so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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