I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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