My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
