I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
