You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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