the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
