Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
