no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
