HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
