naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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