You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
