After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
