Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
