Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
