Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
