How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
