I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
