So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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