So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
