I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
