Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
