You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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