His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
