I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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