So drunk its hurt
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
