i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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