totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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