Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
