Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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