Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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