I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
