I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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