If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
