Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
