we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
